Tues Oct 16th - For Better For Worse
I felt worse this morning and decided to visit the Doctor straight after the school run. I had a chest infection and needed antibiotics. I was almost relieved that Mike wasn't around as I know illness stuff like this makes me very nervous. No doubt, time will help and I will learn to manage illnesses better and be less inclined to wrap Mike in cotton wool.
Leukeamia has definitely changed our lives. Nothing will ever be the same again. Mostly for the better. Sometimes for the worse. We will always be vigilant and we will never take anything for granted. To face losing your loved one has to be the biggest reality check of all. Learning to live with the reality is the biggest test of all.
On the positive side, hopefully our newfound healthy life will ensure that Mike sticks around for a long long time to come!
I finally heard from Mike on the satellite phone and the conversation predictably went:
M: Hi can you hear me?
J: Yes, I can hear you - Can you hear me?
M: Yes, can you hear me - Can you hear me?
J: I can hear you YES – can you hear me????
And on! Until I wondered if there was any point in us speaking at all!
Whilst I was in the doctor’s surgery, my phone was buzzing with messages from Nick Harper’s PR, Linn. (Nick is a super talented musician on trek with Mike). Linn was in the middle of setting up an interview between the trekkers and Janice Long’s show at Radio 2 (Well played, Linn!) Linn needed my help in trying to communicate with Mike and the gang in order that we could establish a line of communication between the BBC and Mike. This was proving to be more difficult than I anticipated as communication via satellite phone and Wales was extremely frustrating. Behind me in the queue was a host of media people trying and failing to speak with Mike.
I had planned to do yoga tonight and empty my mind but baby-sitting challenges and my chest infection determined that my mind would remain full and no stretching for me tonight. I have become fond of a bit of stretching and mind-emptying. It’s good for the soul. Tonight though, the Gods on high had other plans for me which included finishing off my jobs that had not been completed for the day. I’d have to save my stretching and mind-emptying for bed.
Heading into the night has become the opposite of restful since giving birth to two boys. I don’t think Mothers ever truly relax and since Dylan and Evan settle well at 7pm, I’m lucky in one respect, but as breast-fed babies, Dylan (not currently breast fed, I hasten to add!) wakes at least once and Evan (currently breast fed!) still several times. I haven’t had a full night sleep in over 3.5 years!!!! Sleep deprivation. Wow! A whole new experience. Pre-Dylan and Evan, I could sleep whenever I pleased and I could have a lie-in!!!! What an eccentric idea. I view 8am as a lie-in these days. 12 noon is like late afternoon. 5pm is supper time and 11pm is like the middle of the night! Going to sleep, knowing you are going to be awake every few hours is a nervous-making atmosphere. I know, I probably should have been sterner and implemented the 'controlled crying' technique but it wasn’t for me. I didn’t fancy going through all those horrendous IVF attempts to then let my babies cry, ‘Gina Ford’ style. I can see it working for some but for me it suited to bring the boys into bed. So here I am , home alone but tucked up with my precious cargo at some stage during the night. Everything is worth it at that moment when I have them both cradled in the crook of my arms and I look out at the starry vale of Clwyd with the sea and the mountains laid before me. I can do ‘sleep deprived’. Well, for a few more years at least ;)
When people stop me in the street to marvel at how brave Mike is going to Base Camp, I sometimes chuckle to myself on behalf of all mothers out there, and think, what?... Mike has to sit on a plane for 14 hours (oh, to read a book, watch a film), Mike has to trek each day (oh, unninterrupted conversation), Mike has to sleep each night in lodges (oh, uninterrupted sleep!) You get my drift.... ;)
As I popped another tablet I wished my Mikey Boy Peters good health wherever he may be tonight enjoying his new child-free, sleep-full environment and hoped that one day I would take Dylan and Evan to retread Mike’s footsteps, for better for worse.